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Day One

Today was the first day of the rest of my life. Ok, scratch the dramatic opening. I really hope the rest of my life does not consist of a comedy of errors. Today, I began my job at the University of Houston. That was KIND of misleading, as today was only their orientation, or ROAR. I’ve long forgotten what that acronym means, but it did kind of make me want to spontaneously bust into a roar at 2oclock this afternoon. I’m sure afterward an asterisk would appear after the title stating that anyone who actually roars is subject to immediate job termination. But at least I would have my roar.

It’s been a long day.

Since I’ve been sitting on my unemployed ass for the past five months, I’m not used to being awake before 10 err…11am, but I awoke at 7am perkier than I could have possibly expected. I glanced longingly at my baggy shirt and shorts as I pulled on my khaki pants, brown shirt, and wedge brown heels, and then headed out, arriving a good 30 minutes early. I would need those thirty minutes.

Why? Because I am an idiot. I looked at the map, “memorized” it, and thought “oh, I know where that is” because it looked quite simple: my building would be directly across from the parking lot. Except in reality, it was a big fucking parking lot. Lots of buildings were across from it.

After aimlessly wandering and asking three strangers who all suspiciously had no idea where this building was, I finally came across it. I was sweaty, my hair had expanded 6 inches around my head (thanks, humidity), and my adorable brown wedges were feeling less than adorable as they rubbed my feet in all the wrong places. But I had arrived and there was a complementary breakfast. My day was complete.

Almost. When we finally broke for lunch, we had two tasks to complete: get our ID cards made and buy parking permits. Conveniently, both of the places we needed to go to accomplish these things were directly on the opposite side of campus. So off I go, in my increasingly painful brown wedges, prepared to go take a terrible picture of myself and fork over a ton of cash for a parking spot. I was going to be smart and get my parking permit first, since everyone else in my orientation group was getting their ID first. This way I wouldn’t have to wait in line! And I didn’t. Because halfway to the building, my feet were dying and while concentrating on the blisters I knew were forming I made a wrong turn and ended up back at the parking lot COMPLETELY ON THE WRONG SIDE OF CAMPUS WHERE I NEEDED TO BE.

At this point, I said fuck it, and decided to spend the remaining 50 minutes of my lunch break hobbling to my car, driving to my apartment to grab my tennis shoes, head back and hopefully be able to find another parking spot. Luckily, someone who desperately needed a parking spot as desperately as I wanted to not be walking in my awful brown wedges offered to give me a ride to my car so he could have my spot. I probably should have hesitated a bit, but I didn’t. It was wonderful, even though he almost asphyxiated me with the bath he took in cologne before driving to campus.

After the tragedy that became my cute brown wedges, the rest of the day finished smoothly in my comfortable brown tennis shoes. After orientation was over at 3:30, I was able to get my ID made, acquire my parking permit, hike back to my car, and be home by 4:45 with a little traffic along the way. I’d say it wasn’t too bad for a first day, minus the part where I can hardly walk. So now I’m sitting on my new porch and enjoying the cool, humid-less breeze, a rarity for Houston this early in the fall. And I am also enjoying the bud light lime that’s capping off the first day of my new life.

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